Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa:

I was at the Viewmont Mall the other day, and I saw that they're ready for your arrival this week. How can you pull off setting up shop here in our area so early? I'm impressed. Mrs. Claus, the elves, the reindeer, and your management team at the North Pole must be a crack bunch if they can run the pre-Christmas toy operation in your absence. It's about 40 days 'til Christmas, and that's a long time to be away from home.

Keep an eye out for me. I'll be there one of these days. My list is nearly ready for your approval. Here's what I want so far:

I'd like the stock market to turn around so I can make back what I lost over the last few months.

I'd like gasoline prices to stay on their downward slide.

I want to see someone develop a highway bridge that doesn't fall apart and need emergency repairs every other day.

The ability to develop a tolerance for all those digital television announcements.

I'd like some people to learn the definition of the word "imminent."

More "Entourage" and "Scrubs."

Less "The Office."

Less snow.

Shorter baseball, basketball, hockey, and NASCAR seasons.

Can we quit arguing over a college football playoff system?

A highway bypass for every congested area in the eastern half of the state.

I'd like Tony Kornheiser to forget about Monday Night Football get a new radio show.

A Super Bowl win for the Steelers.

Don Pablo's should reconsider its move to pull out of northeastern Pennsylvania.

I wish Verizon would stop sending me daily mail about its DSL service.

Can we inaugurate a new president before we start taking abut the 2012 campaign?

More State Police speed enforcement on Interstate 81 in the Scranton area.

I wish my cable and internet bill stop going up.

I want kids to learn what cell phones are really for.

Fast food restaurant service should actually be fast.

How about a Christmas season that begins after Thanksgiving?

Everyone home for Christmas.